इस ईद

ईद की कई खूबसूरत यादें हैं, मजेदार किस्से हैं। साल-दर-साल बड़े चाव से ईद मनाई है। इफ़्तार पार्टियाँ तो उतनी नही एटेन्ड की है पर दोस्तों के घर पर उनके परिवार के साथ चौकी पर दस्तरख़ान बिछा अपनेपन से लबरेज़ बहुत इफ़्तार नसीब हुए। ईद के चाँद के लिए भी एकटक आसमान में झाँका है भाई बहन के साथ। जिसको सबसे पहले दिखता, वो भाग कर सबको बताता, दिखाता। माँ कहती कि ईद का चाँद देखना शुभ होता है। सेवइयाँ, अहा! तरह-तरह की, लच्छेदार, रंगीली, रसीली। जब चाव से चट कर जाते तो पता नहीं आपा कब तश्तरी में थोड़ा और धर जातीं। प्रेमचंद का ईदगाह था, ईदगाह का हामिद और हामिद के कई दोस्त-यार। उन दोस्तों में शायद एक गुमनाम दोस्त हम भी थे। सब मानो बिखर सा गया अब। पिछले कुछ दिनों में दुनिया में कई जगह इस्लाम के नाम पर दर्दनाक हादसों को अंजाम दिया गया। मानो आपसे, हमसे, हामिद से कोई हमारी ईद छीनना चाहता हो। एक हमला ढाका में भी हुआ...

इस ईद
ढाका के आसमां पे
चाँद नहीं निकलेगा
बस लाल लहू की इक लकीर होगी
औ होगा गुलशन के सन्नाटे का शोर

इस ईद
सेवाइयाँ मीठी नहीं होंगी
क़त्लो गारद का ज़हर होगा
गले मिलेंगे खौफशुदा जिस्म
क़ुरान की आयतें बुदबुदाते हुवे

इस ईद
नए कपड़ों में चहकते
बच्चे नहीं होंगे
बस कफ़न में लिपटी लाशें होंगी
औ बिलखते परिवारों का हुजूम

शहर का सूरज

शहरों का सूरज
अक़्सर इमारतों के पीछे ढलता है
जितना बड़ा शहर
उतनी बड़ी इमारतें
उतना छोटा सूरज


रफ़्तार से भागती ज़िन्दगी
रेत से फिसलते ख़्वाब
उनके बीच
वो धूमिल सा सूरज


कहाँ वक़्त
ठहर कर देखें उसे
इमारतें हैं
निगल ही लेंगी

The Intolerant Indian Quiz

Who says intolerance is bad? Had our freedom fighters not been intolerant, India won’t have got freedom from British rule. Had Nelson Madela not been intolerant, South Africa won’t have left Apartheid behind. Had Martin Luther King, Jr. not been intolerant, USA won’t have had a black President. So, being intolerant is also a virtue so long as one chooses the object of intolerance wisely.

So here you go. By answering the following five simple questions, you can now discover the intolerant Indian In you.

1. What was your reaction on the Dadri incident?

(a) Those who kill Gaumata would meet a similar fate. So, beware.
(b) Sad. Sheer lawlessness. But isn’t Dadri in UP, which is ruled by Mulayam’s son? So why is everyone blaming Modi? Nonetheless, Modi should have condemned it in strongest terms. He should have reined in his party’s hotheads.
(c) This is the real face of Modi. Very soon, he will engineer riots across India and kill all Muslims and Christians. It was always his game. And yes, I am eating beef. Come kill me, you chaddiwalas.

2. How do you see Modi’s foreign trips?

(a) Modi… Modi… Modi...  Our man is rock-star, man!
(b) Good, but they are a little too many. He should spend more time in India now.
(c) Let us petition world leaders to boycott Modi and his hegemonic designs of a Hindu Rashtra.

3. What do you think of award wapsi?

(a) These leftist-congress stooges didn’t deserve the awards anyways. Let them return it. Who cares?
(b) Awards are given by the State, not the government. So, these folks should reconsider their stance. However, if they really want to, well, it’s a free country.
(c) Three cheers to the strong response of the intellectuals and the civil society to RSS, Modi and all things right, err... Right.

4. What is your reaction to Bihar Assembly election results?

(a) These Biharis deserve to be ruled by likes of Lalu. Rest of India will now have cheap supply of labour.
(b) Lost in Delhi earlier, now in Bihar.  Time for BJP to wake up and smell the coffee. And ya, hopeful that Nitish will deliver on his promise of Sushashan.
(c) Hurrah! Time for some patakha. Secular janta of Bihar has put Modi back in his place. After all, caste divide is not half as bad as communalism.

5. What was your status update after Paris attacks?

(a) Told you so. Islam is a threat to humanity.
(b) Sad. Angry. Thoughts are with the people of France.
(c) Terrorism does not have a religion.

RESULT

(I) Mostly a’s: You are a Bhakt intolerant Indian. Modi is your god and God can never be wrong. You are all over the place on Facebook, Twitter and Whatsapp, always fuming, often abusive. You would instantly share a fellow Bhakt’s post on Hindus being killed mercilessly in Laluland, without caring to check that the violent image used is from a Bhojpuri movie. You think that you can troll liberals to death, so you keep trying. High time you realised that your aggro behaviour is earning Modi, and India, a bad name in the cyber space. Take a chill pill. Watch NDTV Prime Time with Ravish. And for God’s sake, switch off that Zee News!

(II) Mostly b’s: You are a confused intolerant Indian. On certain days, you may like Modi but never love him. You would dread being called a Bhakt or a liberal, because you hate them both. You might have had too much of Ravish. Time for some dumbing down. So switch to Arnab. And ya, AIB roasts do not count for prime time news.

(III) Mostly c’s: You are a liberal intolerant Indian. You HATE Modi. Absolutely, hate him. You don’t care about his economic policies, foreign policies, domestic policies, life insurance policies, none of them. You can and will find fault with anything which sounds, smells, feels, looks and tastes like Modi. Even your sixth sense can tell if a Modi or a Bhakt is round the corner. Time to take it easy. India is not going to dogs. Hindu Rashtra is not lurking around. Time to switch off the news channels, specially that Rajdeep Sardesai fellow! Go watch Prem Ratan Dhan Paayo. On a second thought, watch KRK’s review instead. 

आ गई सर्दी

आज सुबह जब अलसाये हुए
मैंने बिस्तर से आवाज़ लगाई
पूछा तुमसे, कैसा मौसम है
और तुमने अपनी अँगुलियाँ मिला
तर्जनी, मध्यमा की दूसरी गांठ पे
अंगूठा रखा और पास ला अपने चेहरे के
कहा, बस इत्ती सी धूप निकली है बाहर
अहा वही पल रहा होगा
जब दबे पांव मासूमियत से
इस बरस आ गई सर्दी 

बरक्क़त वाले दिये

हर मिट्टी के दिये नहीं बनते
मिट्टी में बरक्क़त होनी चाहिए
पारखी हाथों से काढ़ कर ऐसी मिट्टी
बड़ी लगन से चाक पे घुमा घुमा घुमा
छोटे छोटे आकार बनाता
सुबह शाम पकाता सजाता
निहारता सँवारता
अपनी परख, लागत और मेहनत से
पूरे साल बरक्क़त वाले दिये बनाता
कुम्हार, सपरिवार
और जतन से सँभाल के रखता इन्हें हमारे लिए
यूँ कि हमारे मुंडेरों पे, बैलकनी पे
आँगन में, छतों पर, हमारे घर
दिवाली की रात बरक्क़त पहुंचे
और हम अनाड़ी, उफ़्फ़
ग्रिड की बिजली और
एल ई डी की लाईटिंग की चकाचौंध से
साल-दर-साल, हर साल
लक्ष्मी जी को रिझाने में लगे पड़ें हैं
चलो बरक्क़त वाले दिये सजाते हैं इस बार

(गुड़गांव, अक्तूबर 28, 2015)

-प्रारब्ध आर. जयपुरियार

Marriage

To all you unmarried young women my advice to you is : get married.
Marriage is a great institution. You get love ( and all that it entails ), companionship and friendship. There is someone to greet you and prepare a cup of tea for you when you get home after a hard day's work, someone to talk to, someone to take care of you when you are unwell, someone to prepare good food for you, and someone with whom to share your thoughts, worries, and aspirations.
Men are beautiful and wonderful people. Of course not all of them. So you must do a background check about the nature of your future life partner. In my opinion the nature of the young man is more important than his looks. I know of some very beautiful men who had a terrible nature, and made their wives' lives hell. On the other hand, I know of many plain or even ugly looking men who had a such a good and kind nature that they made their wives' lives heaven. So check up from some people about his nature before you marry him.
You should also check up about his academic qualifications and work experience. This is important because in these days of high prices it may be necessary to have a working and earning husband, because your own income may not suffice for two persons and for the coming child or children ( don't have more than two as you may not be able to afford it ).
Give the young man respect, be kind to him,and take care of him, and in return he will make your life full of joy.
But remember a shloka in Sanskrit about the nature of many men :
" क्षडें रुष्टा क्षडें तुष्टा रुष्टा तुष्टा क्षडें क्षडें "
i.e.
" A man is angry at one moment, happy at the next, angry again the moment thereafter, and happy again the next "
So from my own experience of marriage ( and I have been married for many years ), the way to handle your man is to become mum when he (is) enraged ( Tandav charh jai ), and wait till he is cool again. Thereafter you will find him very sweet and full of affection for you !
Hari Om

(With due reverence to Justice Katju. See the context here)

Why NOTA is Not an Option

Over the next couple of months, India is going to witness the largest democratic exercise ever carried out in the world. Thanks to a recent judgment of the Supreme Court of India, the voters will get a unique option to vote saying that there is no option. There is a marginal excitement among voters about this no-option option, and, if the last round of assembly elections is an indicator, a small chunk of voters is likely to go out and exercise this option.  The significance of the NOTA vote is symbolic. It is an indication that the voters who chose this option are not lethargic or uninterested, they are listening to the political discourse around them and want to be an active participant, even though they don’t (or, can’t) approve of any of it. Therefore, they exercise their right to reject. Fair enough.

Having said that, let us now look beyond the obvious and try to understand the possible impact of NOTA on the outcome of the polls. Let’s not forget that this is perhaps the most keenly fought election in recent memory where the stakes are very high for the politicians as well as the voters. Since the recently concluded ad-hoc voter registration exercise generated rousing response, indications are that the voter turnout is likely to touch a new high. After all, these many people did not line up just to get the EPIC (Election Photo Identity Card) - a handy ID and address proof for random applications. In spite of the probable high turnout, due to multi-cornered contests in most constituencies, the winning margins are likely to be thin. And it is likely that the number of NOTA votes may be more that the winning margins in some constituencies.

So, it would be safe to say that NOTA may, in fact, impact the election results. This would certainly bring some cheers to the NOTA enthusiasts, who have till now been sold the story that NOTA votes do not matter. But the vital question is whether this possibility of impacting result is a reason enough to cast a NOTA vote. In my opinion, the answer is no.

We live in a country of various shortcomings. Roads are bad, hospitals and schools worse. Even the national capital region does not have 24*7 power and water. And the list continues. We are a part of the problem and perhaps a reflection of it too. So, in all walks of life, we have less than perfect options. For example, almost all the parents that I know have one or the other issue with the schools that they send their children to. Still, they have chosen to send their children to these schools. They wouldn’t (couldn’t?) wait till the time we had the best schools to send their wards for basic education. So, how can we decide to wait till the time we have the best politicians before we choose one? Would it not mean that we are less serious about our nation’s governance than, say, about our child’s education?

So, what do we do when we choose the school for our kid? Since there is no ‘best’ option around, we choose the ‘next best’. To say that the next best is not an option is, well, not an option. Our kids need education after all. Similarly, our nation needs a democratically elected government. But just like choosing the next best school, choosing the next best candidate is not an easy task as well. We will have to sift through the manifestos of political parties, their background and candidates’ affidavits, ask difficult questions, swallow some pride, and then admit that there is, in fact, an option! After all, these elections have offered the most options ever.

When we do not vote for the next best, we run the risk of letting that next best lose. So, we have allowed an otherwise good candidate to lose, because we didn’t like, say, his (or his party’s) views on saving tigers. Yes, tigers are important, but so are roads, power, education, health and foreign policy. A choice can never be a Pareto optimal. But a choice will always be better than a lack thereof.

An angst ridden rejection of all candidates in the elections may be an easy option, but it is certainly not the best option. Till the time we do not have a law which calls for  re-election if NOTA votes are the highest, NOTA votes will continue to be a mere ‘statement’. When the chosen ones falter on an issue or two (which all of them will), a NOTA voter will certainly have the satisfaction that he didn’t vote for that candidate. But is his satisfaction not akin to the satisfaction of a totally apathetic non-voter? After all, the only difference between the non-voter and the NOTA voter is the lazy walk to the polling booth that the NOTA voter chose to take on a bright sunny holiday. He might have fulfilled the Election Commission’s agenda to push the voting percentage up, but he failed to fulfil the nation’s agenda to choose a government.